Do you remember the “good ol’ days” when life was simpler and nobody argued about anything ever? Of course you do. Who doesn’t? The decade you grew up in was by far a better time than the one we currently are in right now. But wait! Maybe those bygone days aren’t bygone at all. Maybe they never existed in the first place. Just because you “remember” a part of your life doesn’t mean Jack Squat. Here are 5 reasons you might be completely misremembering those so called “good ol’ days”.
You’ve been lying so much about your past you don’t know what’s true anymore.
It all started when your teacher asked why you hadn’t read “The Outsiders” for class and instead of telling her you wasted all your time watching that Gilligan’s Island marathon, you made up a story about how you got distracted running into a burning building to save a bunch of kids. And you’ve been lying ever since. Or have you? You’re not even sure if that story about your first big lie is a lie or not. Now you may never know. That is unless you can get that time machine you’re always talking about working again. Unless that’s a lie too.
You’re in a simulation that started when you woke up today. All of your ‘memories’ are backstory.
You haven’t actually existed, except for in a line of complex computer code, until today. In fact, “today” only existed in real time for only a split second as one of trillions of simulation run by an Amazon.com supercomputer in order to assess the most efficient way to ship packages weighing less than 3lbs. All of what you know and love is just calculated backstory designed to make you behave in an a way to introduce small but random variables to this particular scenario. If you wake up “tomorrow” and you “remember” reading this article and think it is proof that you are not in a simulation, just know it is actually a computer programmer having a little fun with the code. Just an Easter Egg for the other programmers. =P
Your hypnotherapist is finally making progress.
The fact that you remember you even have a hypnotherapist is a good start. You might not remember this but you initially went in so that you could be hypnotised to stop smoking. But it’s quite amazing how common mishaps are in the world of hypnotherapy. Now it seems your weekly visits have become necessary to restore basic motor functions, and if you’re lucky most of your memories not having to do with smoking will return. Too bad you used to smoke a lot. A LOT. And from a young age. Good luck.
You rely entirely on photos to tell you what happened in the past, but you didn’t anticipate your uncle’s new obsession with photoshop.
After you saw that movie Momento you knew one day it would come to this. You wake up each day and try to put your life together from pictures your family posted on Facebook. But ever since Uncle Harry took that continuing education computer course at the community college he has been obsessed with Photoshop and how you can put dinosaurs into almost any family photo. But can you blame him? If any of us at the Releventist knew how to use Photoshop you know we would be using it all the time. Our only suggestion would be to get a tattoo to remind you there really isn’t as many pterodactyls these days as your Facebook feed might suggest.
Your not as color blind as you used to be.
It’s not that the events of the good ol’ days are that far off, it’s just that when you were younger you were so completely color blind that your memories might as well be set in black and white like the memories of our grandparents. Once you went to that school for the colorblind and learned how to see colors the right way your brain became able to create memories the right way. It’s not your fault that every time you talk about how green Big Bird was no one know what in the flippin’ flip you’re talking about. But now that you got your eyes fixed remember to never to talk about your past ever again, unless you want to look like a fool.
So, there you have it. Another comprehensive list. Just remember… well, just remember anything if at all possible. Because there’s no telling when or where your memories will change. And that’s alright. Nothing stays the same, just like the good ol’ days.