Dogs have long been Man’s Best Friend and scientists favorite subject. Dogs, in general, are very cooperative when it comes to scientific endeavors, a side effect of the philanthropic and altruistic traits mercilessly bred into the species by their human overlords for millennia. Dog research has existed for centuries, ever since Einstein began his work on photoelectric effect by shining a flashlight through a golden retrievers floppy ear. Yet scientists, who are overwhelmingly inclined to be cat people, have only now turned their attention to the study of the behavior of the creatures they have been forced to work upon due to Einsteinian Precedent. What researchers have discovered during their coerced study is a list of signs the layman might look for in their dog to tell if they are inclined to stupidity.
This short, simple ‘Canines Are Thinking Stupid’ test can be done safely at home by observing current behavior or recalling past behavior and answering some simple questions. Tally your dogs C.A.T.S. points for your test results.
Canines Are Thinking Stupid – dog intelligence test
- When arriving home from work, how excited is your dog to see you?
- Indifferent (15 points)
- Glad (3 points)
- Uncontrollably Happy (0 points)
- How many socks has your dog stolen? (-1 point per complete pair)
- What is your dogs favorite toy?
- A squeaky duck (0 points)
- A tennis ball (2 points)
- A bell and feathers on a string attached to a flimsy stick (10 points)
- What is your dog’s favorite flavor treat?
- Beef (5 points)
- Chicken (6 points)
- Tuna (17 points)
- Does your dog use a litter box?
- Yes (20 points)
- No (0 points)
Tally your dogs score and scroll down for results.
62 Points – Congratulations! Your dog is a certified doggy genius! Not many canine owners can claim this for themselves, much less for their pets. Science has shown this is the perfect dog.
43-61 Points – Oh, so close! A pat on the head and a “Good Boy” is in order.
0-42 Points – Sadly this is where a great deal of dogs find themselves, incapable of surviving on their own. This level of dog intelligence coincides with personalities most rational people would consider ‘annoying’ or ‘overwhelming to be around’.
Less than 0 Points – It’s time you thought about trading in your dog for a better one on your way to getting some new socks. One that is less stupid. Unless stupid animals are “just your thing”.
So, how did your dog fare? Leave a comment below with your score. Remember, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but it’s never too late to get a new dog.
- Aaron Sanders